My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
