I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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