Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
