Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
