the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Randomize
