Do vagina's smell?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
