At least make sure they are 18
Why
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
