i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
