Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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