Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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