I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
