U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize