i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
