Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
