It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
