i'm signing you up for texting rehab
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
