i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My penis needs a shock collar
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
