is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
