It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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