like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Houston, we have a blender
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
