Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't make out with my wife yet
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
