I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
