Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
