belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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