Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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