Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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