Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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