I just made out with a guy for $7.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize