Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
