Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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