Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
