I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
