That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
