are you so shy because you have an std?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
That reminds me...we need to get swords
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
