I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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