where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
