If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
