She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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