Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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