based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
