i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Will exercising make me less horny?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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