"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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