I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
