I smell stomach acid.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
