She said her name was "party"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
