Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
