You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
