Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Randomize
