YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
