You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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