My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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