It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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