our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
