Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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