I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
