The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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