I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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