: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
