I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
