I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He has the fingertips of a God
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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