There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
