I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
