So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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