like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
