I CAN MOONWALK!
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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