I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
