Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
