just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
