Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize